I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
