im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
