U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My first STD was from a foam party
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize