got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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