you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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