You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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