Moan for me like Helen Keller
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
