Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I will die if light touches me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
