You really coming over, don't trick.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
