I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
