well you can't waste a boner
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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