When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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