RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
