Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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