So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
