aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Two words: nipple clamps
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