I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize