I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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