seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
