apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
