The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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