1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
