I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
