he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
