I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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