I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize