Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he shaved USA in his pubs
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We had to coat check the pizza.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
