Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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