She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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