Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
