I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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