yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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