i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
