I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
