I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
