I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
