I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
