Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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