how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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