i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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