Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
