but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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