Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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