shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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