I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
FUCK WHALES
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
