i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
