I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
