I wish I only lived at night.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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