life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
