I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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