I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
