My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
