i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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