Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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