It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
