i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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