she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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