well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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