Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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