guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
