Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
