just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
