doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
