I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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