Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize