you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
