His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
