they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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