so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
