yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
