so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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