Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
