You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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