Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
