You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
