I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
