Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
