So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
