I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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